


Hard to Pretend

by The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight



Series: Celestial Songs [13]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AkuSai Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Celestial Songs, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, LeaIsa Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Love Confessions, M/M, Musical Prompt Playlist, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Songfic, Songs of the Sun and Moon, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, slow burn without the slow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:49:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25702345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight/pseuds/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight
Summary: Tomorrow is the day. Graduation. To celebrate, Lea and Isa had gone out with a couple friends. Had a couple drinks. They weren’t out for long, though. Isa has never been very comfortable with bar scenes, and Lea hadn’t necessarily been in the mood to be out in the first place. Plus, he knew Isa wouldn’t leave without him and he would never make Isa stay in a place that brings him tension.As soon as they return to their dorm room, they change into more comfy clothes and seat themselves on the floor, leaning against their respective beds. They talk and laugh and reminisce and—Hell, neither of them wants this night to end.
Relationships: Demyx/Ienzo (Kingdom Hearts), Isa & Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Celestial Songs [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820650
Kudos: 14





	Hard to Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "Best Friend" by Ingrid Michaelson
> 
> August 4th, Day 29 of LeaIsa/AkuSai Month

_Wide awake, I lay beside you_

_It’s in the middle of the night and I really want to_

_Wake you up, tell you my secret_

_That you’re the only one I want…_

3:11a.

Lea can’t sleep. He’s been restless like this every night for the last month. At least. And with graduation right around the corner, he’s been stressed out more than ever. Not for school-related reasons, though.

He shifts onto his side, gazing across the room at the sleeping form in the bed on the other side. Isa. His best friend. They met on their first day of college as roommates and they’ve been roommates every year since. He chuckles under his breath at the thought. That first year was rough. Hell, they couldn’t stand each other. They were complete opposites. Lea was a night owl, and Isa was an early bird. Lea enjoyed company, and Isa preferred being on his own. There was no way they should have become best friends.

Then Lea got a glimpse into Isa’s personal life. His childhood. He had overheard a phone call Isa was having with his parents and it all just…clicked. The reason why had would act the way he did. And Lea realised they were so different, after all.

Now Lea doesn’t know what he would do without Isa. And with graduation nearing, the thought of the end of their time together is starting to terrify him. They live on opposite ends of the country. Separating for summers these last few years has been bad enough but knowing they would be reunited again come autumn always got Lea through. Now, though…there’s nothing to confirm when they’ll see each other again. And that’s what terrifies him so much. Not seeing Isa. Not having him in his life.

This is something he should talk with Isa about. He knows that. He doesn’t know how to bring it up, though. Isa hasn’t always been the best with expressing himself, and Lea hates making the other feel uncomfortable when he himself gets emotional. When he wears his heart on his sleeve. He knows Isa is always there and willing to listen, but he can also tell that Isa is never sure what to say. How to respond.

Despite all that, it’s taking everything in Lea not to whisper through the darkness. Not to wake Isa. To admit how he feels. As much as he wants to, he knows something like that will cause Isa to unravel completely. And not in a good way. Besides, there’s no way Isa reciprocates those feelings. It took Isa longer to come around in the beginning, after all. So, Lea can’t imagine why Isa would ever see him as anything more than just a friend. A best friend.

_But I don’t wanna mess this up_

_I don’t wanna say too much_

_It always gets too real_

_When I tell them how I really feel…_

Lea doesn’t date often. It’s hard for him to find people to connect with and when he does connect, he always believes he feels it much deeper than the other does. So that has kept him from admitting his feelings to many past potential significant others. And it has been the cause of many one-night stands. Against his better judgement.

He doesn’t want this to happen with Isa. But it doesn’t help that Isa has tried setting him up with people over the course of their time in college. Much to Lea’s dismay. And every time Isa asks why it didn’t work out, Lea’s answer is always the same: _There was just no real connection_. No connection like what he has with Isa. That’s part of Lea’s problem, too. With each date he’s had over the last few years, he always spends it comparing the other to Isa. And he understands that can’t be healthy, but he also can’t help it. Tch.

He never believed the whole opposites attract thing until he met Isa. Until he realised he was falling for Isa. He never realised it was legitimately possible to never want to be with anyone else. It is, though. He’ll never get the chance to say anything, though. Even if he did have the chance, he still wouldn’t say anything. It’d be too risky. And losing Isa—his friendship—isn’t worth the risk. He’d rather keep Isa in his life as just his best friend than not have him in his life at all. He’d rather—

_Here I go again_

_Falling in love with my best friend_

_Try to hold it in_

_But you’re making it hard_

_Hard to pretend_

_Your touch is electric_

_I’m so obsessed_

_I die when you say my name, oh_

_Here I go again_

_Falling in love, love_

_With my best friend…_

There’s a stinging on the back of Lea’s head. He winces a bit before bringing a hand up to the spot. “Ow,” he says. “What the hell was that for?”

Larxene’s hand is still raised. “I’ve been calling your name for, like, fifteen minutes.”

“So, you _hit_ me?”

“Apparently that’s the only way to bring you back to your senses.”

He rubs at the spot. “Control your girlfriend.”

Marluxia lets out a heavy sigh. “How many times do I have to tell you that she’s _not_ my girlfriend?”

“Whatever…” He shakes off the stinging. “What do you want?”

Larxene’s eyes widen. “We have a project to work on. Y’know, for our final grade before we graduate.”

“We’re gonna pass and graduate no matter what,” Lea goes on. “Who cares?”

That comments causes Marluxia to snap his book shut and toss it aside. “All right, what the hell is going through that dumb head of yours?” He grins. “This about Isa?”

Now Larxene’s face lights up. “Oh, I love gossip.”

Lea rolls his eyes. “It ain’t even gossip. And there’s no way in hell I’m talking about this with you two, of all people.”

Marluxia feigns offence with a hand to his chest. “That hurts.”

He can’t help the chuckle as he shakes his head at them. He then pauses, thinking. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea… Hmm. No harm, no foul. So, he clears his throat. “Yeah, it is about Isa.”

Larxene scoffs. “Does he know yet that you—?”

“No, he does not,” Lea says before she can finish. “And keep your voice down.” He looks around. “He’s supposed to be meeting me here soon.”

“Let me get this straight,” Marluxia starts. “Second year in, he sets you up on a date with Larxene. It ends with you telling her that it won’t work out because you have feelings for Isa. Flash forward to our third year when he then sets you up on a date with _me_ that ends with you telling me the same exact thing you had told Larxene.” He pauses as he gives this information a moment to sink in. “So now you’re telling us that you still haven’t told him the truth.”

“Yeah, because it’s not that simple,” Lea says. “Besides, I highly doubt Isa feels the same way. He can’t if he keeps setting me up with all these other people.”

“Or maybe that’s exactly why he keeps setting you up,” Larxene goes on. “Maybe he also believes that you don’t feel the same way and that if you start dating someone else then he’ll just get over his own feelings.”

Lea almost considers this, but then he shakes his head. “No. I am not taking any sort of dating or relationship advice from the biggest slut on campus.”

Her jaw drops. “I resent that.”

He makes a face at her. “How many TA’s have you gotten fired?”

“Ugh. Those firings were not my fault.”

“You _did_ make a girl with a full scholarship drop out,” Marluxia speaks up, “all because you didn’t want to go steady with her.”

“Don’t encourage him.”

“What are we not encouraging?” another voice asks. Lea turns to look past Marluxia and sees Isa walking over to them. He quirks an eyebrow. “How’s the project going?”

Larxene scowls. “Lea has an awful attention span.”

Isa grins softly. “I could’ve told you that.”

Marluxia laughs. “All right, I think we got enough accomplished today.” He gathers his belongings. “Let’s meet again tomorrow. Same place and time.”

With that, Lea and Isa bid farewell to Marluxia and Larxene. They then start heading back to their dorm room. They’re quiet at first, but then—

“Tell me again why things didn’t work out between you and Marluxia,” Isa speaks up. “I mean, you two just seem like you’d make a really good pair.”

Lea scratches the back of his head, chuckling uneasily. “Not as great as you think. Besides, why are you so concerned with me dating someone?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I just want you to be happy.”

The breath catches in Lea’s throat. _I’d be happy with you_. Too bad he could never say that out loud. “I am happy. And I don’t need to be dating someone for that.”

He nods his head once. “Very well.”

Hmm. Not the reaction Lea had been hoping for. Then again, he’s not exactly sure what kind of response he was hoping for. Maybe something a bit more emotional, but… That’s too much to ask. And he never wants to ask for too much. All he wants is Isa. One way or another. For now, he’ll settle for this. He’ll settle for best friend.

_Right away, I knew I liked you_

_You seemed so cool and didn’t even have to try to_

_Your stupid laugh, the way you flirt_

_The way you look so good in my old t-shirt…_

From the moment they met, Isa had been smitten with Lea. Of course, the redhead would never assume such with how their first year as dormmates had gone. They rarely spoke. Never spent any real time together. Overall, they just didn’t get along. Lea had tried his hardest to change that, but Isa knew better. He knew not to let himself get attached to anyone because no one ever stuck around. He had learned that the hard way. And he had learned in an even harder way that Lea isn’t the same as other people.

He’s better.

The moment Isa realised how he truly felt about Lea came at the beginning of their second year of college. They had been back for only about a month and Lea had already run out of laundry. Typical of him seeing as the redhead is still awful with chores. Either way, Isa had returned to the room to find Lea wearing one of his own t-shirts. He froze at the sight of him in it. At how much more _flattering_ the shirt had looked on Lea than it ever did on himself. The teasing that came from Lea afterwards didn’t help the cause.

Isa blushes at the memory. That seems so long ago now. And since then, he’s known that he can’t ever let the other know how he truly feels. It would ruin their friendship. It would ruin the best friendship he’s ever had. That’s why he’s been trying so hard to set Lea up with someone. Besides, Lea deserves better than someone like Isa. He deserves someone more like him. Isa is too…different. They’re opposites. And he’s not sure he believes that opposites attract. Not in this case, at least. There’s no way Lea feels the same about him. No way…

He lets out a heavy sigh, glancing out the dorm window. In just a few weeks, they’ll be graduating. And he has no idea what to expect after the fact. He has no idea where he’ll go because he sure as hell can’t go home. He has no idea where Lea will go. No idea when they’ll see each other again. If they’ll see each other again. Maybe they’ll go their separate ways and that’ll be the end of it. Maybe—

He spots Lea down below, nearing the residence. He can’t help but smile at the sight of him. He observes the redhead as he interacts with their fellow classmates. Hmm. There are so many of them greeting him. Talking with him. Girls and guys. Lea has always been so popular and easy to get along with, which is why Isa has never understood why he’s never connected with someone on a romantic level. It’s almost hard to believe he hasn’t, considering. Then again, Isa should be relieved about that. Perhaps it means that he has a chance.

_I don’t wanna mess this up_

_I don’t wanna say too much…_

Tch. Who is he kidding? Isa would never be brave enough to admit how he feels. He can barely say it aloud to himself. So, there’s no way in hell he’d ever be able to say it to Lea. He’s better off, though. They’re better off as just friends. And that’s what he has to keep telling himself. He’ll say it until he believes it.

Of course, it doesn’t necessarily help that Lea always mentions that Isa should try dating, too. Isa doesn’t date, though. He’s never been interested in dating. Not until he met Lea. And that’s exactly why he can’t date Lea. He can’t lose that connection with him. Lea is more than worth it, so losing their friendship is not worth the risk. It’s not—

_Here I go again_

_Falling in love with my best friend_

_Try to hold it in_

_But you’re making it hard_

_Hard to pretend_

_Your touch is electric_

_I’m so obsessed_

_I die when you say my name, oh_

_Here I go again_

_Falling in love, love_

_With my best friend…_

There’s a knock on the door, disrupting Isa from his thoughts. He shakes his head before getting up from his desk and crossing the room. He answers the door to find their four-year-long neighbour standing on the other side.

“Lea isn’t back yet,” he says.

Demyx grins, leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest. “How do you know I’m here to see him? Maybe I’m here to see you.”

Isa chuckles, rolling his eyes. “Your so-called flirting doesn’t work on me.”

‘Well, no shit.” He laughs, too. “Lea is the only guy I’ve ever seen get any sort of reaction out of you.”

He scoffs softly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He rolls his eyes as he straightens up. “Anyway, I have a date with Ienzo tonight and wanna borrow that blue shirt of yours.”

“Why should I lend it to you?”

“Because it makes my eyes pop.” He jokingly bats his eyelashes. “ _Please_?”

Isa chuckles at him. “You’re ridiculous, Dem.”

With that, he walks over to his bureau and opens the middle drawer, rummaging through it. He pulls out the shirt in question and tosses it across the room. He finds his gaze lost out the window again at Lea still down below. He sees a head of pink hair. Marluxia. He takes a deep breath. They’ve been spending a lot of time together lately. Isa knows they have some final group project that they’re working on, but—

“Are they dating?” Demyx asks, suddenly standing beside him.

Isa jumps slightly. “What?” He shakes his head. “No, they’re not dating.”

“You’re jealous of him, though.”

He feels heat rise in his cheeks. “I am not jealous. What would I even be jealous of?”

“How close Lea and Mar have grown.”

“I don’t think they’re _that_ close. They’re just studying for the same major, so they’ve had most of their classes together. Of course they’re gonna be pretty good friends.”

“Pretty good friends?” He glances back out the window. “I dunno, man,” he shrugs his shoulders, “but that looks a bit more than just _pretty good friends_ to me.”

Isa follows the other’s gaze back out the window. His brow furrows at the sight of Marluxia’s hand on Lea’s shoulder. “So what? Not like you can tell what they’re actually talking about or why—”

“Doesn’t matter why,” Demyx goes on. “Marluxia hates being touched and doesn’t touch other people. So, the fact that he’s touching Lea…” Another shrug. “You may have lost your chance, buddy.”

Now he watches as the other heads for the door to leave. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Demyx stops and turns to face Isa again. “You’re kidding, right? You could’ve had Lea in a heartbeat had you not been so afraid of your own feelings.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t…know what you’re talking about. I don’t have feelings like that for Lea.”

“C’mon, I’ve lived next-door to you guys for four years now. I’m not an idiot.”

He swallows hard. “Well, you’re still wrong.”

“What are you two arguing about now?” another voice asks before Ienzo and Lea come into view. Ienzo looks Demyx up and down and quirks an eyebrow. “What’s that shirt for?”

Demyx grins. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He kisses his cheek and takes his leave. Blushing, Ienzo bids the others farewell before following after his boyfriend.

Lea chuckles as he closes their door. “So, what was Demyx wrong about?”

Isa pauses. “Uhm… He thinks he looks good in that shirt because it makes his eyes pop, but I beg to differ.”

He laughs some more. “Ouch. That’s harsh.” And he falls onto his bed.

Isa observes him for another moment before returning to his desk. He tries to concentrate on what he had been doing before, but the window keeps distracting him. His gaze keeps falling back to the spot where Lea had been standing with Marluxia before returning to the dorm. The spot where Marluxia had been touching Lea’s arm. _You’re jealous of him_. It doesn’t matter if he is or not. Just like it doesn’t matter if Lea decides to date the other man or not. So long as the redhead is happy, then Isa will be, too. So long as they remain best friends, then Isa will be happy.

_I keep my mouth shut tight_

_Cuz I don’t wanna lose what’s not even—_

_I keep my mouth shut tight_

_Cuz I don’t wanna lose what’s not even mine…_

Tomorrow is the day. Graduation. To celebrate, Lea and Isa had gone out with a couple friends. Had a couple drinks. They weren’t out for long, though. Isa has never been very comfortable with bar scenes, and Lea hadn’t necessarily been in the mood to be out in the first place. Plus, he knew Isa wouldn’t leave without him and he would never make Isa stay in a place that brings him tension.

As soon as they return to their dorm room, they change into more comfy clothes and seat themselves on the floor, leaning against their respective beds. They talk and laugh and reminisce and—Hell, neither of them wants this night to end.

“I can’t believe this is it,” Lea soon says. “We graduate tomorrow.”

“It’s been a long four years,” Isa says.

“Yeah…” He grins. “Man, it’s been one hell of a ride.”

He swallows hard. “Do you have any idea what you’re gonna do next?”

“Not the slightest fucking clue.” He laughs. “What about you?”

“Move far away from my parents.”

His face practically lights up. “Oh, I like that idea. I might steal that idea.”

Isa blushes softly. “Maybe we could…move together.”

Lea pauses. Did he hear that correctly? “Huh?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

“No, no, tell me.”

“Well… I was just thinking that I live up north and you live down south, so maybe we could just move out west together and be as far away from our parents as possible.”

He’s grinning again. “Y’know, I like that idea even better.”

Isa returns the smile, sheepishly. “Glad to hear it.”

_Here I go again_

_Falling in love with my best friend_

_(What’s not even mine)_

_Try to hold it in_

_But you’re making it hard_

_Hard to pretend_

_(What’s not even mine)_

_Your touch is electric_

_I’m so obsessed_

_I die when you say my name, oh_

_Here I go again_

_Falling in love, love_

_With my best friend_

Lea’s still grinning like an idiot as looks across the room at Isa. It’s not much longer before he takes notice of the shirt he has on. “Isn’t that the one I borrowed that one time and you got totally flustered?”

Isa’s brow furrows. “The one what?”

“The shirt.” He points. “The one you’re wearing.”

“ _Oh_.” He folds his arms across his chest, covering himself and the shirt as he gets all rattled again. “Yes, I-I suppose it is.”

At this moment, Lea gets up and moves across the room to sit beside Isa. “Y’know, maybe it’s the few drinks I had talking, but…” He looks beside him at the other. “Do you ever wonder what could’ve been?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like…what would’ve happened if we had ever started dating.”

Isa is a bit taken aback by this. “Do you—” He clears his throat. “Do you think about that a lot? About…you and me?”

“Only all the time.” Isa freezes with his eyes open wide. One Lea is looking at him again, he practically mimics his reaction. “I’m so sorry, I—”

Isa isn’t sure what takes over, but some part of his brain switches to autopilot. He reaches for Lea, grabbing at neck and pulling him into a kiss. It’s so unlike he catches himself off guard. But…Lea is kissing him back. And smiling against his lips. Isa _melts_ at the notion. Melts at the fire coursing through his veins. The electricity. This is like nothing he’s ever experienced before. Nothing he’s ever felt. Hell, it’s hard to believe it’s even happening. That it’s not some drunken dream. Neither him nor Lea drank enough for that, though.

This is real. And it’s genuine. And Isa could burst into tears. Meanwhile, Lea feels as if he could burst into flames.

“Okay,” Lea starts once they break apart. He swallows hard. “I’m, uh… _not_ sorry.” Isa chuckles softly at this and Lea smiles again. “That went better than I imagined it would have.”

“How often have you imagined this?”

“For way too long now.”

Isa blushes. “Me too…”

“Then why did it take so long for this to happen?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I was so afraid of losing our friendship, so I decided not to act on my feelings in favour of saving it.”

Another grin. “And you think we’re counterparts.” He kisses his forehead. “We share the same fears, though.” A kiss on his left cheek. “The same hopes.” A kiss on his right cheek. “And dreams.” A kiss on the tip of his nose. “We’re not so different, after all.”

“Even if we are,” Isa goes on, “perhaps being different isn’t such a terrible thing.”

“Of course not.” He kisses the corner of lips. “So…about moving in together?”

Isa blushes harder than he had before. “I would still like to if you do.”

Lea grins yet again. “Perfect.”

Then they’re kissing again. And the kiss is perfect, too. Each time their lips reconnect, it sends another wave of electricity through them both. Lea is so happy he decided to finally speak up. And Isa is relieved his unthought-through action led them here. To making out on their dorm room floor like a couple of teenagers. Not that they weren’t just teenagers too long ago.

This is better. So much better. Tch. A couple of twenty-something-year-olds fresh out of college with no real direction in life other than their love for each other. They wouldn’t trade this for the world. Because being in love is one thing. Being in love with their best friend, though…

Well, this is just good sense. It’s like a fairytale. A dream come true. Except it’s real life. And it’s more perfect than any story ever could be. Lovers with benefits. The benefit of being best friends first and foremost.


End file.
